If you’re like me, I always thought that the ego referred to something “big.” My favorite saying was, “That so-and-so has an ego the size of Texas!” I used to work around a lot of big egos, so I naturally assumed that the ego was this self-absorbed, pompous being that just grew out of control. Well….not necessarily.
Brace yourselves. This big ego can also keep you small. Yes, folks, that darn ego is the voice that tells you that you are unworthy, you don’t deserve THAT, how could you ever make THAT happen, you’re not good enough….and the list goes on and on. For some of my clients, it has manifested into “You’re always going to have pain,” and “You will never be normal again.” Logically, we know that this isn’t true, but that ego keeps resurfacing, doesn’t it? So what can we do about it?
The first step is awareness. Now that you’ve read this blog and realize, hey, I do the same thing, kudos to you for being aware! So, when you’re having a challenging day, let’s say with pain and that voice says, “You’re always going to have pain” you can challenge that ego and quiet it down with phrases such as, “No, that isn’t true. I have good days and I believe I can be pain-free in the future.” Here’s another example, “Why would I even bother to apply for that job. I’m sure there are other people out there more qualified than me.” Quiet down that bad boy by saying, “No, that’s not true. I have tons of experience and I bet no one else has my motivation and drive along with this killer personality.” Are you getting the gist?
Another step in the process of managing the ego is by showing it kindness and compassion. I bet you’re thinking, what in the heck is she talking about? Think of it this way. Your big, small ego was born out of fear. Fear of not getting that job or maybe you tried and didn’t get it. Fear that when you walked an extra block you were down with an exacerbation of pain for a few days. So, the big, small ego was born. It says, “Don’t apply for that job. Remember what happened last time?” So it’s doing its job of keeping you “safe.” Keeping you safe and not experiencing failure or success is the breeding ground for complacency and a blah life, wishing you had done things differently. So show that ego kindness. You can say, “Okay, that did happen in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again because look at how much I’ve grown. I’m going for it!”
Now, as you go about your day, you are AWARE of that darn ego and how it might be holding you back. I have every faith in you that you can realign this way of thinking! For by doing so, you bring more joy, self-acceptance, and self-confidence into your lives.
For more tips and tricks on dealing with the ego, please contact me.
Fran Winslow 